can you take me back where i've been, boy, can you take me back?

excuse #758828278932 not to write this essay: eatin' peas.

this is small town music, this is big town music

excuse #758828278925 not to write this essay: feels a little degrading to second wave feminism for unqualified me to assess it's achievements in 2000. especially as i'm doing so badly so far. sorry sisters, for not doing you justice in this essay in particular and generally in life.

you were the fugitive but you don't know what you're running from

do you remember being 15 and staring down a certain persons user name on msn, desperate for them to initiate a conversation (or convo, as we called them) because if you did it of course they'd instantly realise that you were interested.
i thought i'd outgrown it.
and sure, facebook's changed the game a bit. now you can pretend to be fascinated by your newsfeed while keeping the "friends on chat" profile pic grid firmly in your periphery. but no. i'll always be that girl, despite the almost complete reversal in the particulars. i'm even listening to the same music i used to. and, tellingly, writing angsty blog entries. what a reversion. and it's self-fulfilling because the more i get like this, the more i hate myself and the less i can believe that anyone could be happy for me to start fb chatting with them. and the more i hope that they'll start fb chatting with me.